Will Dream Dude Change After Marriage?

Will Dream Dude Change After Marriage?  Uh…do fat guys show a heap of butt crack when Dream Dudeinstalling laminate flooring?   Heck yes, most folks would swear on a stack of bibles that their mate definitely did change after marriage.

Must be something about parading through that shower of rice, that grinning throng of well wishers, of motoring off in a car festooned with graffiti and clitter-clattering with cans that precipitates the change after marriage.

Once that happens, disgruntled spouses claim, you may never see the person you married again.

Don’t take my word for it.  Ask any married couple—separately of course—and they’ll boohoo the fact that their once sweet, once loving, once tender mate has pulled an about-face on them.  With eyes blinking back tears, they’ll lament the loss of the person they fell for, loved and married—as if this sonofabitch they now come home to every night scarce bares any resemblance.

Reminds me of buyer’s remorse, the kind you get after ponying up the down payment for that new convertible.  You drive that baby home, so proud to be behind the wheel, more teeth showing than a Colgate toothpaste commercial.  You show the car off to friends and family, wheel it around the block just to hear the motor purr, marveling at the heads you turn.

But then, in a few short weeks, you’re not grinning anymore.  You open the car door one morning and sniff-sniff.  Lo and behold, it’s lost that glorious new car smell.  Bird dropping mar the once shiny finish.  Worse, some piece of sh*t parking lot attendant has left a gouge in the driver’s side fender and the crooked mechanic swears the catalytic converter is leaking.

Hell, the first payment’s due on Tuesday, and suddenly your car doesn’t seem so new and novel anymore.  In fact—God forbid–if you had any idea of what you were getting into perhaps you’d have never completed the transaction in the first place.

Sound anything like where you are in your current relationship?

Do people really change after marriage?

Maybe.  But is it possible we’re simply being introduced–post matrimony–to an individual who was lurking beneath the surface all the time.

During the dating intro phase, we never lead with our worst attributes.  Complete and brutal honesty about oneself is the worse possible way to land a mate of any consequence.  So your drug habit, your penchant for bondage pornography, and your history of marital infidelity probably won’t be fodder for your first getting-to-know-each-other conversation.

If I like what I see during our first encounter and if I’m really, really smitten–baby, you’re about to meet your Dream Dude.

Let the audition begin!

Dream Dude lights cigarettes, opens car doors, carries your heavy bags, hangs breathlessly on your every inane word.

Dream Dude is so thoughtful, so understanding, so compassionate and generous.

Dream Dude wouldn’t dare leave the toilet seat up, refuse to take out the garbage or be flatulent while you perform an oral sex act.

Dream Dude makes you wonder why his ex was crazy enough to allow such an exceptional specimen of manliness to roam free.

Let’s pause here:  This is probably the point where anybody with good sense should get real nervous about Dream Dude.

Dream Dudes roaming around freely amidst all the world’s “Dream Dude” thirsty females—and who just so happens to fall into your eager lap– should not only cause suspicion but perhaps turn you into a stark raving paranoid.

Catch of the century mates that seem too perfect to be real are most likely counterfeit.  Yes, just like those fake hundred dollar bills you manage to create with the aid of a Xerox copier.  Oh, sure, you might manage to spend the bogus loot for a while, paper the local shopping mall with greenbacks—but eventually the Secret Service shows up at your door dangling wrist bracelets and inquiring about a phony-baloney printing press in your basement.

But back to the point:  Flinging caution and common sense to the wind, you exchange vows with Dream Dude.  Within a few months, or a few years—–Dream Dude doesn’t seem quite so dreamy anymore.

Will Dream Dude Change After MarriageHello!  It’s me!  Let the bullsh*t begin!

Do people actually change after marriage or is it simply the true person bubbling like Middle Eastern Oil to the surface?

And if you think change after marriage is a knife that cuts both ways, sorry, sugar—this change is never for the better.

Here’s my plain and simple take on why change after marriage occurs:

The audition is over.

Repeat that after me, cause I’m not sure you heard me.  “The audition is over!”

You put a ring on someone’s finger you’re basically telling them, “Yes, you’ve got the job.”

And not only do you have the job, you’re supposedly hired for life.  For better or worse, no matter how shabbily you comport yourself, you can’t be fired.

Now with job security like that, who wouldn’t grow a bit too comfortable in their role, become downright lazy, take unscheduled days off and perhaps—figuratively speaking–stop showing up for work in any substantive fashion completely.

The shame is that we are all potential dead beat employees when it comes to our relationships.  The more comfortable we are—which usually translates into more years on the job—the more likely we are to slack off, to fail to put in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.

Do people change after marriage?  Hell yeah!  You should know better than to even ask such a question.

 

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7 thoughts on “Will Dream Dude Change After Marriage?

  1. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    MeganR:

    Thanks for stopping by.

    I just can’t seem to make you happy. What am I doing wrong?

    Reply
  2. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    I won’t argue with you there.

    The whole institution of marriage has been devalued to the extent that it carries so little weight anymore. That’s true for both those considering marriage and those who are already there.

    Thanks.

    Reply
  3. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Thanks for stopping by, June.

    Those couples who are still “blissfully happy after lots and lots of year together” should certainly be the poster kids for the marriage.

    Reply
  4. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Absolutely, Kyle:

    Why don’t we simply admit–in the interest of full disclosure–all the negatives up front, on the first date: This hair on my head, it’s a toupee. This slim trim frame is because I’m wearing a body sculpting girdle. When I take off this bra my breast are twice as small and hang twice as low.

    How does one ever get to date two if you’re honest on date one?

    Reply
  5. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Tammy, you never make any enemies throwing the “genius” word around.

    Does telling the truth win you the guy/girl? Maybe, maybe not.

    One school of thought–probably not the majority view–suggests just laying it all out there from day one.

    The thinking apparently being that if you’re wearing a panty girdle, hobble on a prosthetic limb, or fart in your sleep it’s all going to come out eventually.

    Unfortunately, the most likely approach is still to lie,obfuscate, minimize until you win over the prospect.

    Then quickly entangle the prospect completely, before they have a chance to back out–or to discover the real you.

    Reply
    1. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

      True, Mike.

      Too much information too early might have the effect of scaring off likely prospects. So most of us learn to obfuscate, withhold, embellish the truth.

      The idea that most of us are camouflaging some of our more disagreeable personality traits reinforces the importance of long engagements before walking down the aisle.

      Reply

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