It’s Dangerous To Cheat On Your Mistress!
Oh sure, for expediency, the philanderer will protest his innocence. Of course, he insists, the relationship with Wifey is no longer sexual.
Share a bed with Wifey? Are you kidding–he sleeps in the spare bedroom.
The last time Wifey and he had sex? “Well, let’s see. That was in nineteen hundred and– Hell, it’s been so long ago, I can’t even remember.”
But any mistress worthy of the name “home wrecker” knows deep down inside that the penis she’s with this afternoon has a good chance of being with someone else that evening.
A mistress may turn an obligatory blind eye to this one betrayal. See, it’s part of the Mistress Code.
What’s the Mistress Code, you ask?
Well, I just so happen to have a copy right here, and believe it or not, it actually confirms everything I stated earlier. Specifically:
- Yes, your man has a wife waiting for him at home.
- Yes, he’s full of sh*t when he claims that he’s not still screwing her.
- And yes, bitch, that’s what you sign up for when you accept being the mistress in the first place.
(I’m not making this stuff up. It actually says that.)
But in the Mistress Code’s addendum, the postscript, the codicil’s fine print—there’s this one final zinger:
“We mistresses absolutely refuse to allow our philandering men to philander on us with some other scheming, conniving outside interloper.”
Is Cheating On A Mistress Even Possible?
The notion that someone’s who already cheating can be cheated on by the person they’re cheating with is enough to make your brain cells do the jiggly-wiggly and your eyes to cross.
It reminds me of reading through a sick, convoluted mortgage deed. In hierarchy, the wife sees herself in first position; while the mistress—perhaps grudgingly–accepts sloppy seconds.
But even a mistress (how dare you suggest she lacks any standards) draws the line at accepting even sloppier thirds. I mean, what kind of contaminated, diseased low do you think Ms. Mistress would stoop to?
But Philanderers Beware
It’s Dangerous To Cheat On Your Mistress! Forget about the adage about hell, fury and a woman scorned. Erase the woman part and pencil in the word mistress.
You let this crazy chick find out you’ve been fooling around with somebody other than your wife–man, look out. You’re booking a non-refundable ticket for a greased sleigh ride to the Land Of Hurt!
What’s the first thing every scorned mistress does? Oh, baby, simple:
That’s right, she’s telling E-Very-BODY. And she’s telling E-Very-THING!
Before she’s done, you’re gonna think she missed her calling as a journalism major. Turns out she’s a whiz with names, dates, location, and those critical who’s and where’s that comprise the most compelling of narratives.
I mean they give out Pulitzers for this degree of insightfulness, candor and detail. Except Ms. Mistress isn’t out for prizes, accolades, or hearty slaps on the back.
Can anyone say revenge? Sweet, Cruel, Pay-Your-Cheating-Ass-Back-In-Spades Revenge!
But wait, it gets better:
Your wife is about to receive a special delivery DVD, featuring—you guessed it!—you and your illicit hanky panky honey going at it like two horny wildebeest during the annual Spring rut.
Trust me when I tell you this DVD is close up, graphic, triple X rated—and light-years beyond Parental Discretion Advised.
Ding! Ding! That’s your doorbell. And your poor wife’s exclusive copy arrives just before Sunday worship service courtesy of your front door mail slot.
Don’t have a mail slot or you’ve wisely crazy-glued the said mail slot closed in anticipation of just such a malicious and underhanded tactic? No problem. A link to a porn site will work just as well.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the site’s newest and most popular title? I think it’s called something like, Cheating Husband Hog Tied & Anally Raped By Mistress!
(Didn’t know she was actually filming that little role playing escapade? Sorry? Actually believed Ms. Mistress when she swore she’d delete the video after watching it a couple times? Oops!)
Oh, but Ms. Mistress isn’t even finished!
Been holding back a bit with the IRS, perhaps shaving a couple thousand a month from your earnings? Well won’t the government be thrilled to hear from an anonymous concerned citizen, one kind enough to direct them to the hidden books, thumb drives and all corroborating documentation.
We all know that cheating on your wife is reprehensible. But if that’s the way you chose to roll then, brother, roll on. I’m certainly not your minister, nor have the inclination to scold, admonish, or vituperate against you.
Here’s the thing though: Most common philanderers would be satisfied with banging just one piece of outside ass. What kind of sick, greedy, gluttonous fu*k would double-down and compound their deceitfulness by cheating on the mistress too?