It’s Dangerous To Cheat On Your Mistress!
In any adulterous affair there’s one implicit, inalienable fact—the adulterer has a mate at home and is 
probably screwing both mistress and mate.
Oh sure, for expediency, the philanderer will protest his innocence. Of course, he insists, the relationship with Wifey is no longer sexual.
Share a bed with Wifey? Are you kidding–he sleeps in the spare bedroom.
The last time Wifey and he had sex? “Well, let’s see. That was in nineteen hundred and– Hell, it’s been so long ago, I can’t even remember.”
But any mistress worthy of the name “home wrecker” knows deep down inside that the penis she’s with this afternoon has a good chance of being with someone else that evening.
A mistress may turn an obligatory blind eye to this one betrayal. See, it’s part of the Mistress Code.
What’s the Mistress Code, you ask?
Well, I just so happen to have a copy right here, and believe it or not, it actually confirms everything I stated earlier. Specifically:
- Yes, your man has a wife waiting for him at home.
- Yes, he’s full of sh*t when he claims that he’s not still screwing her.
- And yes, bitch, that’s what you sign up for when you accept being the mistress in the first place.
(I’m not making this stuff up. It actually says that.)
But in the Mistress Code’s addendum, the postscript, the codicil’s fine print—there’s this one final zinger:
“We mistresses absolutely refuse to allow our philandering men to philander on us with some other scheming, conniving outside interloper.”
Is Cheating On A Mistress Even Possible?
The notion that someone’s who already cheating can be cheated on by the person they’re cheating with is enough to make your brain cells do the jiggly-wiggly and your eyes to cross.
It reminds me of reading through a sick, convoluted mortgage deed. In hierarchy, the wife sees herself in first position; while the mistress—perhaps grudgingly–accepts sloppy seconds.
But even a mistress (how dare you suggest she lacks any standards) draws the line at accepting even sloppier thirds. I mean, what kind of contaminated, diseased low do you think Ms. Mistress would stoop to?
But Philanderers Beware
It’s Dangerous To Cheat On Your Mistress! Forget about the adage about hell, fury and a woman scorned. Erase the woman part and pencil in the word mistress.
You let this crazy chick find out you’ve been fooling around with somebody other than your wife–man, look out. You’re booking a non-refundable ticket for a greased sleigh ride to the Land Of Hurt!
What’s the first thing every scorned mistress does? Oh, baby, simple:
SHE’S TELLING!
That’s right, she’s telling E-Very-BODY. And she’s telling E-Very-THING!
Before she’s done, you’re gonna think she missed her calling as a journalism major. Turns out she’s a whiz with names, dates, location, and those critical who’s and where’s that comprise the most compelling of narratives.
I mean they give out Pulitzers for this degree of insightfulness, candor and detail. Except Ms. Mistress isn’t out for prizes, accolades, or hearty slaps on the back.
Can anyone say revenge? Sweet, Cruel, Pay-Your-Cheating-Ass-Back-In-Spades Revenge!
But wait, it gets better:
Your wife is about to receive a special delivery DVD, featuring—you guessed it!—you and your illicit hanky panky honey going at it like two horny wildebeest during the annual Spring rut.
Trust me when I tell you this DVD is close up, graphic, triple X rated—and light-years beyond Parental Discretion Advised.
Ding! Ding! That’s your doorbell. And your poor wife’s exclusive copy arrives just before Sunday worship service courtesy of your front door mail slot.
Don’t have a mail slot or you’ve wisely crazy-glued the said mail slot closed in anticipation of just such a malicious and underhanded tactic? No problem. A link to a porn site will work just as well.
Perhaps you’ve heard of the site’s newest and most popular title? I think it’s called something like, Cheating Husband Hog Tied & Anally Raped By Mistress!
(Didn’t know she was actually filming that little role playing escapade? Sorry? Actually believed Ms. Mistress when she swore she’d delete the video after watching it a couple times? Oops!)
Oh, but Ms. Mistress isn’t even finished!
Been holding back a bit with the IRS, perhaps shaving a couple thousand a month from your earnings? Well won’t the government be thrilled to hear from an anonymous concerned citizen, one kind enough to direct them to the hidden books, thumb drives and all corroborating documentation.
Ouch!
We all know that cheating on your wife is reprehensible. But if that’s the way you chose to roll then, brother, roll on. I’m certainly not your minister, nor have the inclination to scold, admonish, or vituperate against you.
Here’s the thing though: Most common philanderers would be satisfied with banging just one piece of outside ass. What kind of sick, greedy, gluttonous fu*k would double-down and compound their deceitfulness by cheating on the mistress too?
“What kind of sick, greedy, gluttonous fu*k would double-down and compound their deceitfulness by cheating on the mistress too?”
I’ll tell you what kind, a cheater, just like you said.
A cheater cheats, on everybody, his wife, his girlfriends, his girlfriend’s girlfriend because he’s probably going with both behind her back.
I don’t feel no sympathy for the mistress in this case either. She’s a dirty cheating dog too.
They both deserve each other.
Hey, GoGo!
You’re so kind and sympathetic to the plight of the philandering man. And so optimistic about the purity of his intentions as regards his interactions with others of the female persuasion.
Appreciate the visit.
I have to tell you, as a life coach, I counsel “mistresses” all the time. The first thing I tell them is that they are a thief in another woman’s house. I tell them that men who cheat basically aren’t doing it because they aren’t getting something at home… that’s not the case most of the time. Most of the time it is a case of enough never being enough. Men are, after all, hunters by nature and look to conquer new prey. Men will always cheat on a mistress. Always! As soon as the mistress behaves at all like a wife (and they ALL do) then he’s gone…. It’s too bad that the stupid women get so upset and look to ruin entire lives and families because they can’t take the truth!
Thanks for stopping by, Diva.
I sometimes find it ironic that people are shocked to discover that the person they’ve been cheating with–and thus their co-conspirator in deception–turns out to be…well, deceptive.
They say there’s little honor among thieves. Maybe that old adage still has legs.
“As soon as the mistress behaves at all like a wife (and they ALL do) then he’s gone…”
I agree with this. If you’re going to nag me about taking out the trash, have a headache when I’m horny, yawn when I tell a tired joke–then I can get that at home. See ya!
There was once a time when a side piece was just that. Now, some of them refuse to be just a way to spend time. Cheat on a side piece with another side piece and you’ll have more trouble than you can handle. It’s hard enough getting a mistress to accept being #2 yet alone #3 or more!
Q, as someone once complained to me as regards cheating, her voice almost childhood playground-like: “People just won’t play right!”
Cheating is usually one of those “done in the dark but exposed in the light” endeavors, for the reasons we both just stated.
I definitely lack the moral authority to advise any two consenting adults on what to do when the hankering hits them. But if you think you’re going to make a secret career of diddling somebody outside of your relationship, you’d be well advised to remember the warning above:
People really don’t play right!
Though there are many haters on this board, I will say this much. People eggane in extra-marital affairs for all sorts of reasons. It isn’t just sex. It can be a number of factors.As a volunteer in-court mediator, I get my fair share of family cases. At least half the marriages I see going through the court system involved infidelities. Of that half, a little over half of the remainder involved affairs committed by the wives and the rest by the husbands. In some cases both spouses had affairs during the marriage.Of the ones that involved wives that egganed in affairs, most of them complained that they felt unloved or lack of affection, ignored, neglected, used, disrespected or abused by their husbands. In each case, they no longer respected their husbands and had at some point decided to end their marriages. In most of those cases the wives were the filers principally seeking the divorce.So I would have to say its a lack of intimacy, neglect, being used, disrespect, or abuse or a combination thereof. I would not, however, say that its sex exclusively. The extra-marital sex does play a role in the affairs at least at the outset, since a new sexual relationship provides new energy in either mens’ or womens’ lives. But I would also have to say the sex alone is secondary.Never say never, however, since there was a small percentage of women who complained that there was a complete lack of sex in their marriages that drove them to their affairs. But usually that also involves the other factors as well.In a very small number of the cases, the women had affairs because their husbands had affairs.Again, the question is too broad in its literal sense, and too narrow in its application.Therefore, I would have to conclude based on personal experience that lack of sex in the marriage alone is usually insufficient to spark an affair. Other larger factors come into play; however, that said in a small percentage lack of sex would be the motivating factor.
I see your back with the pleasant side of life. Hookers and marriage stealers. Sounds like your on the wrong side, again.
Men and women cheat for the same reason the are seifslh and think ONLY of themselves. The cheater wants fun, excitement without committment or problems that may arise. The cheater likes the excitement and often it is like hunting prey. The hunting makes them excited and once they get their prey the cheater has a false sense of security. The cheater feel indispensable, like if he/she are on the top of the world. The cheater is having their cake and eating it too. The cheater sneeks around and is very mysterious which is fun and then the act of sex is better than ever because it is WRONG. It could be horrible, but to the cheater it is wonderful because it is wrong. The cheater knows he/she is wrong and begins to develop reasons why he/she is having an affair they must justify it to themselves. So, the scapegoat is of course the spouse. And the reasons are generic not enough sex, didn’t pay attention to me, he/she gained weight, he/she makes me feel bad about myself, he/she is always complaining, or he/she is never home. The justification of the affair allows the cheater to feel they are in some way right. Cheaters are seifslh people who only think of themselves and are unable to love anyone but themselves. Cheaters are insecure people who needs constant validation that they are attractive, needed, and wanted by others. Cheaters are immature and incapable of having a committed relationship. Cheaters do not stop. You can change the wife/husband but the behavior will continue at some point. Because the problem is the cheater!