Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?

Abstinence Doesn’t Work:  How Long Can You Wait?

Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?I’ll tell you right now—most folks aren’t good at waiting.  That long distance love affair, bi-coastal romance, hook up every blue moon bullsh*t won’t work for most.

So be forewarned.  If you decide to go gallivanting around the globe to some far flung destination, plant temporary stakes in Butt-Scratch Bermuda or Middle-Of-No-F*cking-Where Moldova and expect your mate to be waiting at home, celibate—you got another thing coming.

What is it with those who refuse to accept that long term abstinence doesn’t work?  Do these folks have a sex drive at all?  Or maybe the better question is do they believe their abandoned mate has a sex drive?  What’s supposed to happen when their mate, left alone to their own devices, gets a hankering in the middle of the night, an itch in the morning, feels a bit randy in the afternoon?

What they’re going to do—and what almost every other person on planet earth is likely to do—is f*ck somebody else.

Oh, I know it may sound crude, potty-mouthed and pessimistic.  Accuse me of having scant faith in the virtuousness of people when separated from their mate and co-conspirator in sexual gratification by a geographical distance of more than a few meters.

I’m guilty.  I confess.

Truth be told, it’s hard enough to keep your better half from straying when they’re across the street, much less across the country.

Long term Abstinence doesn’t work!

Believe me, it tends not to be the stuff of which romantic careers are made.  Yes, I know the abstinence pledge sounds utterly doable as you stand in the rain at Union Station, as the locomotive spews filthy steam in the background, as the conductor screams, “All Aboard!”

“Let’s wait for each other,” she murmurs, clutching your sleeve.  While the train chugs from the station, she gallops alongside for a final kiss and tearful promise of abstinence.

Excuse me while I fetch a hankie.

But out on your own a body can get oh so lonely.  And it seems there’s always a new penis/vagina in town, or on campus, or lounging around the water cooler at work—and coincidences of coincidences Mr. Penis/Ms. Vagina just so happens to have your name stenciled right on its foreskin/labia.

Imagine that!

Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?


Long term abstinence doesn’t work.  Just keeping your own paws to yourself is a staggering responsibility.  And forcing those you encounter during this forced abstinence to keep their paws to themselves may be just as formidable a responsibility.

Everyone seems to recognize that fact except the two misguided boobs who promise their undying chastity to each other without fully grasping how ludicrously unlikely that might prove.

How long are you willing to wait?

Can you hold out a whole month for the right person?  A year?

What determines whether you wait?  Love?  An unshakable belief that your love interest is doggedly holding out too?

I’ll say it again:  Long term abstinence doesn’t work.  Most folks are not good at waiting.

Armed with that caveat, you might be well advised to stick a bit closer to the abode, to keep a shrewd, protective eye on the person whose underwear you’ve grown accustomed to removing at night.

Remember, most folks hate to wait.  They couldn’t wait for Santa Claus as a child and they damn sure can’t wait for hanky-panky as an adult.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to the RSS feed to have future articles delivered to your feed reader.

7 thoughts on “Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?

  1. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Hey, Junie.

    Thanks for your feedback. I’m sure it’s true that I’ve made some rather broad generalizations.

    Anytime one does, one is bound to be absolutely accurate with one demographic while completely blowing it with another.

    There are all manner of additional exceptions we could throw into my post: Such as likelihood of abstinence based on age, based on the length of one’s original relationship, based on religious faith–or lack thereof.

    (I read the post your referenced by the way–inspiring!)

    With that being said, do you agree with the general premise that most (emphasis on the word “most”) folks are at risk of cheating when separated from their mate for an extended period of time?

    Or am I just a hopelessly pessimistic, narrow minded, cynical dude?

    1. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

      Hey, Holly, great bumping into you in this neck of the woods.

      Sometimes stereotypes exist because…well, because they’re true.

      The notion that married/committed women on extended leave from home are less interested in cheap casual outside sex than men–would seem at first to be a somewhat left-handed, stereotyped compliment.

      But I have found that part of your statement to be without question true and spot-on.

      Women just seem to be different than men in that regard, more likely to say, “That’s who I like and that’s the only person I’m sleeping with.”

      (I should know. In my youth I spent a fair amount of time trying to convince some lonely female of the fallacy of those very beliefs.)

      On the other hand we have men. I have known very few men who–away from their mates for an extended period and with some assurances of discretion–wouldn’t be strongly tempted to fool around.

  2. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    I would love to post more often. As my audience grows, hopefully that will become more feasible.

    When I first began blogging I anticipated posting at least two, three times a week. Thus far I’ve scarce managed even one.

    If all I had to do was write, I’d find blogging easier.

    There are other elements going on in the background that–for a new blogger in particular–are definitely distracting.

    Keep stopping by. The frequency I seek may be just around the curve.

  3. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Research? Are you kidding? Me, Adam Oglesby do research? Double check my invective filled diatribe to ensure I’m not simply hurling wild, unsubstantiated claims out that some may actually accept as factual?

    In short, Junie, officially–in this case, no.

    Unless you count my almost other-worldly powers of observation, and my decades long parsing, indexing and stuffing in my mental encyclopedia the countless dramas, trails and tribulations of those around me.

  4. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

    Thanks for stopping by, Sarah.

    I hate to point out the negative in people–(wait, who am I kidding, I love to point out the negative in people)–but the reality is what it is.

    Are there plenty of folk who find a way to stifle their natural desires while their mate is away, sure.

    But then again, there are plenty who can’t, won’t, don’t.

    1. Adam D. OglesbyAdam D. Oglesby Post author

      Thanks, Andy:

      But I’m sure whoever is waiting for you at home wouldn’t be too happy to hear that you screwed around–but screwed around safely.

      “Honey, I banged your sister. But the good news is I wore a condom!”


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Current ye@r *

CommentLuv badge